• Gisèle Schembri

The 'Like attracts Like' Effect on Relationships

I have been asked by multiple male acquaintances do I have any single female friend for them to date. Now this question in itself boggles my mind. I can’t for the life of me understand how someone would go on, say, a blind date, else date someone purely based on a photo and a reference from a friend. Yeah, I know not everyone is demisexual and most people seem to have no problem sleeping with the opposite sex just for a ‘good time’. That said, it is quite a shot in the dark to assume that a date could potentially work with someone you didn’t have some kind of previous communication with. After all, photos lie and I have realised that most of the time actually even messages do. Add to this, what exactly are the odds that I have one female friend who is single and available and she turns out to be a match at all?


It irritates me any time someone asks me the question, not only because I cannot fathom how they are ready to take such a gamble, but also because it makes them seem needy.


I might be sounding offensive at this point. I have heard all kinds of excuses for this desperation but at the end of it, if a man (or woman really) is at a point that they are willing to ask a third party to hook them up with a random date, then I can’t see that it is a very healthy start to any kind of relationship, not even the friends-with-benefits kind!


Any relationship is doomed for either failure or, even worse, toxicity, if it is built on a ‘need’ rather than an honest ‘want’. Add to this, whether you believe in the Law of Attraction or no, the base of it still applies to all that is so that truly, you will always attract what you yourself are. Let’s put it in practical terms:


How many well-put-together, successful, self-loving, females are looking to date someone based on anything other than a mutual attraction? They would rather be alone than accept any pity date. The woman who accepts to be ‘hooked up’ is no female that is secure in herself so as I said, like will attract like and should she say 'ok', the relationship will, however basic or sex-inclined even, be based on a mutual neediness and loneliness rather than a pure passion to be together.


Many relationships are unfortunately the co-dependant type. This phrase used to confuse me before because I believed that usually it is only one person that is relying on their partner too totally rather than that both of them are because one has to be the strong support of the other, right? Not really.


Let’s say one of the partners is obsessing over their new ‘love interest’. By obsessing I do not mean that you can’t get their beautiful face out of your head or that you are wrong in smiling all day long when you think of them, I actually mean that you start basing all your energies into the new relationship therefore slacking in your own life. This is an ego boost to a needy partner but the self-assured man or woman would take this as a warning sign to back off from this new relationship.


No one likes being chased. Say what? What I am stating is the total opposite of what is considered a ‘romantic’ courtship! Of course everyone loves being chased after all! Well it depends on the chasing though doesn’t it? I was over the moon to receive an unexpected text from someone I liked. I was very unamused when someone made the unprofessional choice of asking for my number presumably for an order I made at the shop where he worked, only to get multiple texts a day from him on a personal level. Honestly, which of the two guys would I be willing to date? I think it rather obvious!


So given you will always attract the person you ‘deserve’, why not make it a good healthy relationship by Loving Yourself First?



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