• Gisèle Schembri

No One Needs Fixing, Only Loving

It has become somewhat of a joke going round social media how many women date men who they feel need fixing, or mothering, or whatever other type of ‘intervention’ they believe they can give him to ‘save’ him. I am also sure there are men who date women with the ego-centric idea that they are her saviour in disguise.

As you might have guessed, the fact that I am mentioning these situations on my blog is precisely to say why those kind of relationships will never work. You may protest all you like and tell me you made a difference in that other person’s life but chances are, if you are in any way controlling or shepherding the other partner, then not only is it not a relationship of equals, but also not a very high vibe one. And guess what? Even relationships that do survive time but remain in low vibe, will always feel restrictive and not totally satisfying. Why? Because such relationships, rather than being based on open communication and giving the other person space for independence and personal growth, tend to stifle one or other of the partners, with the other being in control and therefore also not in a place of giving self-less love from a place of also self-love. Because when you love yourself, you don’t even need to ‘fix’ or guide anyone along. Rather, you give them the space to be, to grow, to make and take decisions based on how they feel in relation to your freely given love for who they are rather than who you wish they would be or who you are trying to mould them into. Bottom line is: you either love them for themselves, or why are you even with them?!


The thing is, people in lower vibe or who feel in some way excluded or ‘needing’ a relationship, are also in a place of believing that another person’s ways and interactions are liable to help or hinder their happiness. Truth be told, no amount of coaxing other people into becoming what you feel is ‘better’ (honestly, better for them or better for you?!) is going to truly make a difference to your happiness if you didn’t have it to begin with. In addition to this, going into a relationship whilst feeling needy of it, can only ever attract another person who is also needy rather than feeling whole in and of themselves, whether that relationship works or not. That is what in turn leads not only to co-dependancy, but also this suffocation of needing always more, more, more: more time, more attention, more reassurance, more of everything till that person will either give up on who they really are and their dreams else feel so trapped that they eventually let go and leave.


So what would you rather do? Find someone to ‘fix’ or ‘protect’, or work on yourself then find a partner who also feels strong and whole, in order to build something together that can work whilst letting both sides still fulfil their dreams? You should never find a partner with the intention of completing your life but rather, to make your already whole existence even more awesome and let two wholes merge into bigger and better shared dreams and support. Short of that, maybe shepherd yourself and control your own life instead of living through someone else’s breaths.


Image by StockSnap from Pixabay


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