• Gisèle Schembri

"It's not you, it's me." and why that is so wrong!

“It’s not you, it’s me.” I groan whenever I hear it, yet in the past I have also been guilty of saying it myself. It might be a cliché and yet people still mean it when they say it. I’m rolling my eyes right now.

Granted it is sometimes used to get out of a tricky situation but I know too well how many times people also believe they are saying the truth. They are the difficult one, they are the emotionally unavailable ones, they are the ones with no time for a relationship, they are, they are, they are…

But what if truthfully they aren’t? Much as I hate hurting anyone’s feelings, I rather think it hurts myself to lie and say I am the problem if and when I clearly am not. Added to the fact that (excuse the cliché overload here) “It takes two to tango.”

Blaming oneself might get you out of an otherwise more cringy and lengthier discussion (which is useless to go through if you are anyway done, right?) however it is important to understand that whatever words we use, our mind processes, and likely sends to our emotional quarters too.

So whilst ‘my fault’ might serve the victim mentality well, it will never do for someone who knows their worth, knows what really went wrong and knows that they don’t need to lie to feel they can move on. Yes, breakups are never easy (not to count the fact that sometimes people put you in this precarious situation when you aren’t even in a relationship with them yet!) but lying to yourself and others will definitely not serve you well. Neither will it the other party. For if they don’t know what went wrong (or why it would never work), they are unable to help themselves and work on their growth as well as ensuring that next time they look for someone who is a real match.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay


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